Latest Designer News!

By Chit

Undercover research by Thorn

Well you may like to know that Gizmo’s fashion reporters have been out and about trackin down the latest ideas under development by the top armour and accessory design people to make sure YOU are the first in the queue for the latest trends!

Tired of the standard look? Lookin for armour and accessories that are gonna improve your ability to survive and succeed? Look no further – here's the word on the street about hot new items that MAY be under top-secret development in the government labs!

Gauntlets of Glamour

Bein a Gizmo reader I am sure you had your life made miserable lotsa times by blokes who trail round after you buggin you to be their girl an refusin to take 'No' for an answer? (If on the other hand you are one of them blokes, try readin' Ayla's article on best chat-up lines later in this zine. It will be worth it. Really.)

So what do you do when you are bein chased by some unsuitable male? I bet you bin at your wits’ end about how to discourage such attentions when polite methods like gentle hints and not answerin fly completely over their heads. Personally I have always favoured an accidental beer in the lap, but Mr Thorn says this is lackin in style and subtlety an in matters of manners he is rarely wrong.

So since I gotta stop using this most effective method (men do not like walkin around with drippin pants, nor tellin strangers how they came to get soaked, I have found) I am delighted to see them government scientists is makin themselves useful in tryin to solve the problem. These very pretty gauntlets are perfect for wearin with your favourite dress (you know, the one with slits down the thighs). When you use em, the gauntlets shimmer seductively and a cloud of glamour is directed at a nearby target of your choice – perhaps a wanderin orc or busy murloc. The power of the glamour is so strong that the persistent lover will instantly transfer his affections to the orc or murloc. This is not only effective but also very funny, although Mr Thorn tells me any lady would slip tactfully away to avoid witnessing the inevitable results an not hang about behind a bush laughin like a drain...

Helm of Unbind-On-Pickup

This helm is a godsend when worn by a sensible woman. No longer do you need to find new ways of tactfully sayin – “Excuse me, why have you grabbed that item when all you wanna do is sell it?” The answer to every selfish rogue or hunter who lifts the prize items ‘by mistake’, just use this helm and the item is immediately sucked outta their sticky grasp for proper disposal. We even hear that the designers are currently working on a 'name and shame' version that means that when the Helm is used on someone they get splattered with gobs of glowing scarlet paint. Heh! Then they really are ‘caught red-handed’!

The Zone of Silence

Well Mr Thorn corrects me an tells me this one is not an accessory but a kinda debuff. All I know is this trinket looks like bein real useful. With it, you get to target a member of your own party and silence them for up to 10 minutes. Most unfortunately it won't work on more than one party member at a time, but even so, what wouldn't you give sometimes for a blissful break from arguments, persistent joke telling, and irritating speech impediments such as kk and lol?

Elven Headdress of Underdeveloped Powers of
Self-Criticism

Are you one of those women who know in their heart that they could be leaders - but repeatedly give way to idiots who ‘lead’ you into disaster after disaster? If so (an we here at Gizmo know the feelin only too well) - this is a headdress to die for. How often have you suffered poorly led groups purely because you was intelligent enough to have an understandin of your own weaknesses so you didn't take the lead – while others with little skill or judgement grabbed the power and lead everyone confidently to their deaths?

Wearin this hat will change all that because finally you will have that essential for leadership - naturally underdeveloped powers of self-criticism! Suddenly you will see yourself as ‘obviously’ the best leader, an ‘clearly’ superior to the lower life forms you organise into a party!

You will be givin orders to everyone in sight, an ignorin any mistakes with such style that other people will wonder whether it was really a mistake at all! Every woman’s dream accessory – we here at Gizmo will be putting in orders for this the moment it hits the streets…

Knobbly Staff of Attention Grabbing

An the next thing you will wanna buy is the companion piece to the Elven Headdress, this extremely useful an indeed stylish staff. Use the staff on someone an he or she will immediately drop what they are doin and pay full attention to you! Tired of people talkin over you, ignorin you, an dashin off in an uncontrolled fashion? With a Knobbly Staff you finally got the answer. As it shoots out a tazer-like burst of electricity, watch people jump to attention in a most satisfying manner! They may even be shocked enough to actually listen!

Scroll of Disconnection

You know the problem – you sign up with a team of strange adventurers and halfway down the tunnel you just know you made An Enormous Error. The Paladin is determined to pull, the Rogue keeps sneaking off on his own an coming back with 10 heavies chasin him, the hunter claims he needs every item you loot, an the Priest attracts aggro and dies complainin' within seconds of any major fight…

What you need is a Scroll of Disconnection! When used, this scroll makes you freeze in position, standin there smiling, unmoved by the battle raging around you. After 30 seconds you disappear with a small flash of lightning, apparently plucked from the action by some evil wizardry. While in real life, you suddenly find yourself in the nearest comfortable inn. This scroll is the perfect gift for the lady who is too polite to get shirty an take her leave - put it on your Christmas list now!

In order to encourage the nerdy boffins working tirelessly in their secret underground government labs we Gizmo Girls are conducting a survey to reveal which new design should receive top priority for development!

Click here to vote for the design YOU
would most like to own!